The Harlot, Part 2

Part 2, “Baptize my Heart”

 Time went on.

She knew how to dance for Him. Yet, there were times when dance was not the appropriate response to His glory. Sometimes, He needed her to lament. Some days, she needed to repent, and this was where she had fallen from her throne. She had fallen from her safe place when she didn’t know to repent. He knew her heart, and He knew when she would sin. He saw the glimmer in her eyes when she looked at them. It broke His heart. He needed her to repent, but she didn’t know how.

Last time, that was when she left.

Now, she was terrified. She knew that she was not enough to be faithful to Him. She loved Him, but she did not think that she was able to convince Him. She was, of all things, terrified that He would leave her. He would never leave her.

In her fear, she began to dance. She tried to hide her fear and worry from Him.

My Dear, now is not the time to dance. Do not mask your fear in a façade of happiness. I have saved you. And I know your heart. I know that part of you which seeks another.

She was filled with holy terror. It burned her inside, as only shame does. She was sure that He would forsake her, now that He knew that part of her heart. She saw no reason for Him to keep her.

She began crying, weakly and timidly. She knelt before His throne, and kissed His feet. She knew that she would disappoint Him, and that He deserved better. She began to weep bitterly, meditating on her inadequacy. She could do nothing but lament. She was not simply mourning her own sins, but those of people who had gone before her. She wept for His love, and for an ache that she didn’t even recognize.

Suddenly, He smiled upon her.

My Child, you are right that you are not enough on your own. I want you with Me. I know that you will fail, and I will always pick you back up. I will never turn from you; never forsake you. Dear, dear child: do not worry. There is a time to mourn, and a time to dance. You shall dance again.

She did not understand. How could she?

Because His love and His ways are incredible. His love for her was never dependent on her devotion, and it never would be. His love is not something for her to understand, yet she tried. She was overwhelmed by Him. She was in awe of Him. She began to realize that she would never understand Him. He is infinitely greater than anything she had ever known. She knew that she did not deserve Him. She could see that He had chosen her, and known her since her birth. He had always loved her, and He always would.

She wanted to be claimed by Him. She wanted His mark on her, in some way that claimed her as holy- for He saw her holy. She wanted to know Him more and to know when these “times for dancing” and “times for mourning” came. She needed something to affirm all of this, and He heard her heart’s cry.

She continued to kneel at His feet, and she prayed. She prayed for closeness, for discernment, and for a deeper knowledge of Him. She cried and begged and prayed, until the tears had stained her dress and her knees were blistered. She prayed until there were no more words, only deep groans of her spirit manifesting in an unknown tongue. As she prayed, she felt something pulling her towards Him. It tugged tighter and tighter, and the tighter it tugged, the harder she prayed.

When it released, she was once again in awe of Him. She was given a revelation of His love and devotion to her. She felt Him stirring her, as if her heart were being baptized with fire. Enthusiasm in its truest form filled her, and she began to dance.

With this dance, she was not thinking simply on her freedom. As her flowing white gown spun as she danced, she was deciding her allegiance. She was pledging her allegiance to Him. She was choosing to give Him her life, and her love. She knew that she would fail, just as she finally knew that He would pick her back up. She began to understand faithfulness, and she was deliberately denying any desire for any other. She was being filled with an urgent desire to please Him, and a hunger for His words. Joy bubbled inside of her, just as He had said. He smiled upon her again, His delight pouring from His eyes.

You are mine, and I am yours, My beloved.